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I was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic Church and grew up in a large
family. I was the second youngest of fifteen children. My mother was a
godly woman. She taught us to pray, sent us to weekly catechism and
weekday Mass. Even so, there was contention and abuse in my home. I
had become rebellious against an overly strict mother and I was full of
anger and rejection. It seemed that any attention I received from my
parents was negative. I never remember my mother or father picking me
up to embrace me or kiss me. I was a child during the depression so our
material needs were not met and neither were our emotional needs. There
was a lot of sadness in my life and a lot of fear. I remember as a
four-year-old looking at my mother’s First Communion picture on the wall.
Down in the corner was this little dog-like black creature with hair raised.
In all earnestness, I asked my mother what that little beast was. She said,
“the devil.” It had my attention and I asked my mother what the devil
was. She told me God had sent him to hell because he was bad and hell
was a place where bad people go. If you are good, you will go to heaven
and wherever you go, you will be there forever and ever. From that day on
I was frightened and afraid to die. I carried that fear into my marriage,
through the births of my six children until thirty years ago when I invited
Jesus Christ into my heart and was baptized in His Holy Spirit.

“The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that you
might have life, and might have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd;
the good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep.” John 10:10-11

I married a Catholic man when I was twenty. I certainly didn’t realize all
that a marriage entailed or did I pray about a marriage partner. I was full
of anger and rebellion, a young girl hard to get along with, insisting on
having my way. I was not going to be shoved around any more. Alcohol
was a part of our courtship and marriage life. Within the first five years of
marriage we had four children. Our entertainment always involved
alcohol. It became a problem for my husband and no longer was any fun. I
wanted him to stop but he wouldn’t. I fought, cussed, yelled, -- all to no
avail. In the meantime we had two more children. Our entire family
became very sick and our children suffered tremendously. Broken
promises, shame, hate, resentment. After 21 years, I asked my husband
to leave and move out of our lives.

Our oldest daughter had been in a serious car accident. When I brought
her home from the hospital she asked me to invite Clare, an older lady to
come over. Clare was the mother of a boy she had dated. My daughter
said that Clare acts like she knows God in a personal way and she made
her feel good. I did as my daughter requested and after spending some
time with Mary and Clare, I invited Clare into the kitchen for a cup of tea.
She was a gentle and loving woman and she asked me if I had ever invited
Jesus to come into my heart. She knew that I was Catholic and that I went
to communion often and she said to me, “If you had been the only person
on earth, Jesus would have died just for you.” I was deeply moved. She
went on to say that when we invite Jesus in, He sends the Holy Spirit. The
promise was not just for the apostles but for me as well.

“Repent, and let each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for
the forgiveness of your sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy
Spirit. For the promise is for you and your children, and for all who are far
off, as many as the Lord our God shall call to Himself.” Acts 2:38-39.

“I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but
through Me.” John 14:6.

I had always gone to a God who seemed to have a hammer in His hand
ready to pounce on the sinner. I never seemed to have any prayers
answered. God seemed so far off. I had no understanding of the
Sacrament of Baptism at that time. I really wanted this Jesus Christ whom
she had in her life. After she left, I knelt beside the bed and asked Jesus to
take over my life and heal my marriage. A series of events started to take
place in my life – I knew there were not coincidental. I felt different; I felt
the presence of Jesus with me such like I had not felt before. My husband
cam back home for a short time – but was still drinking. I met a new friend
who asked me to come to a prayer meeting with a Franciscan priest and I
started meeting with them. I had a sense from the Holy Spirit that I was to
tell my husband I was going to file for divorce. I called Catholic Social
Services and inquired about how to file for a divorce. I was directed to go
to the Conciliatory Court who helped me to subpoena my husband and
give him the ultimatum that either he receives treatment for his
alcoholism or I would file for a divorce. My husband chose to receive
treatment. I had not felt joy in my life for years but I was aware of the
Holy Spirit working in my life. I prayed for healing and the Baptism of the
Holy Spirit. I will never forget how the joy of the Holy Spirit overflowed in
me and how overwhelming His peace is. I still had all the problems, but I
knew I had Christ in me, the hope of glory.

By now our sons were using alcohol and drugs. I hounded heaven for 10
years; fasted from Tuesday evening until Thursday morning. I remained
steadfast in my prayer life. I still struggled with my husband who was still
drinking. I would say to Jesus, “I don’t love him, so if you want me to stay
with him you have to love him through me.” I found myself doing things
for him and showing love to him that astounded me and him too. I knew
Jesus wanted us to keep this covenant. He showed me pictures of a
shepherd leaving his sheep and the sheep scattering. Through this He let
me know that divorce was not an option. He showed me I was dealing with
powers of darkness. Through this time, I had left the Catholic Church and
was involved in Ecumenical & Pentecostal churches. All my love and prayer
support had come through other Christian women and ministries of other
denominations. I remained with them for 18 years.

My husband was diagnosed with a malignant tumor and underwent
surgery. My pastor came to see him often and spent much time with him
visiting and praying for him. He committed his life to Christ and started
attending church with me. I was continually bothered with the scripture:

John 6:53, “Jesus therefore said to them, “Truly, truly, I way to you,
unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have
no life in yourselves. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood has
eternal life; and I will raise him up on the last day. For My flesh is true
food, and My blood is true drink. He who eats My flesh and drinks My blood
abides in Me, and I in him.”

I knew the Catholic Church truly offered us the body and blood of Jesus! I
began watching EWTN and would talk back to Mother Angelica when I
didn’t agree – but I continued watching. My friend who had invited me to
pray with the Franciscan priest and who was there at the beginning of my
charismatic prayer life, was a devoted Catholic and continued to call be
back to the church. She took me to an RCIA meeting and introduced a
priest to me. I found myself pouring my heart out to him. (Not planned.) I
spent about two hours going over my whole life with him. At the end of our
conversation he said, “ Well I don’t see why you can not receive
absolution.”

My husband is back in church with me. I would not trade my life for any
other. He is a kind, compassionate, loving husband and father. A gentle
man and a ‘gentleman’. I know what Christ can do. Jesus can take a dead
marriage and relationship and resurrect and heal it because He paid the
price on Calvary’s cross, died, rose again on our behalf and made us new
creatures in Him. He won the victory for us. All we have to do is
appropriate it. He wants us to repent and obey.

Forgiveness is a process. Healing is a process. Forgiveness is an act of the
will. You do not have to feel like forgiving. You do not even have to want
to forgive. But we must forgive! God is faithful and His love is
unconditional but His promises are conditional. We have a part to play. It
is so good to be back in the church – to know once again the fullness of the
Sacraments, the Mass, the priesthood. It is truly a real homecoming!

Mary Lou